Archive for the ‘sexual’ Category

Ex Sex
August 24, 2009

Finally! I remembered a dream enough to blog it here. I only wish it were more original than the old “slept with my ex-boyfriend” cliche.

But it is what it is. Last night I dreamed I had sex with my ex-boyfriend from high school. The sex was as uninteresting as it always used to be. I made very little noise, if you know what I mean, but I still wasn’t as church-mouse silent as I was when we dated in real life – when I was a very sexually shy teenager. At some point he stopped what he was doing to insult my prowess. He said, “You don’t say much, do you?” I don’t remember how I responded, or if I did at all. The next thing I remembered was lying next my ex, feeling ashamed because I’m married in real life now.

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Going down?
August 15, 2009

Last week I vividly – VIVIDLY – dreamed I was going down on a woman.  I couldn’t tell you who she is now, I forgot it too quickly, but in the dream I know it was a friend, or at least an acquaintance, someone I know.  I feel it was some experiment, some “I’ve never done this and neither have you, so why don’t we try it?” kind of thing.  Either way, I find myself between her legs.

I could tell it was normal, you know?  I mean her vajayjay.  And by normal I mean that it’s not like it was unkempt or dirty.  But I swear, the taste was so damn vivid.  It was the most vivid taste I’ve ever experienced in a dream.  And I get the “fishy” kind of thing I’ve heard some men say, but not tuna or something… it was more like a fine and light oyster, mixed with a semen taste.  Like a man’s semen only a little less salty and bitter, and way thinner and not as snotty feeling.  But the horrid thing about it was that it just keeps going on and on and on as long as I was down there.

BUT ISN’T THAT WEIRD???  I’ve never done that, I’ve never gone down on a woman.  And the possibility that that would ever happen is about .000000000001%.  In the dream, this wasn’t a turn on or anything, but it’s not like I was disgusted.  It was just like a science experiment or something.

Dreaming about dreaming
August 15, 2009

I dreamed that I was so incredibly horny (I’ve been abstaining from masturbation for over a week) that I was asleep (yes, I dreamed I was watching myself sleep) and I began to writhe against the mattress in such a way that the friction on my clitoris was juuuust right, and I had an orgasm.  At this point I woke up (in the dream, not in life) and cried because I was so upset that a wet dream broke my streak.  So I dreamt about dreaming.

They just get curiouser and curiouser, don’t they Cheshire?

Cocaine and McNuggets
August 15, 2009

I had a bag of cocaine.  It looked like a gram, and I was like, “This shit is mine, it’s all miiiiiine…” I was going to totally bogart it.  I was stoked.  And I was on the carport at my parents’ house, by the swing and something happened and I dropped it.  I WAS SO FUCKING UPSET, I THOUGHT I’D DIE.  I panicked and stooped to the ground to see what I could scoop up.  And if you’ve ever seen a gram of cocaine, you know there aint no “scoopin” to it.  I thought to myself, “I’ll bend down and snort this shit off the ground,” and I’ll be damned if I didn’t bend down to do just that and discovered that it doesn’t work if you don’t have a straw.  Just then my aunt walks out of my house (apparently there’s a family gathering going on inside).  She starts talking to me and I, still crouched down, contort myself into this awkward position so as to hide the cocaine but not stand completely up, lest I lose more of it by not constantly watching it on the ground or something.

I remember thinking, “She may see it if I stay down here, maybe I should get up. … Nah, fuck that, if she sees it I’ll just tell her to mind her business, this is totally worth getting caught over.  She can’t arrest me.”  She doesn’t notice and walks away.  Just then I find a huge piece that – and I hate to use this term, ’cause it’s not crack, but for lack of a better term – is all “rocked up”.  It’s not chopped up, it’s not powdery.  JACKPOT!  I put it in my little baggy.

I’m sure a ton happens between that and what I’m about to tell you, but next scenario I remember is that my very, very old friend we’re going to call Nugget (his last name started with a “Mc” so people did sometimes call him this) was there.  He knew about the coke and I told him it was alllll miiiiiine and he acted offended.  But I didn’t have a lot!  I pulled out my little baggie and WHOA!  I don’t even understand this in the dream, but now it looks like I have about 3 grams!  So I tell him, “Oh you know I’ll give you a line,” and looking back on it, this makes me laugh because it’s hilarious that I had THREE GRAMS OF COKE and I’m offering my friend ONE LINE.  LMAO.

Next scenario.  We’re in the bed together.  My husband is sitting on the edge of the bed talking to me.  Underneath the covers Nugget is fondling me.  Not only am I worried about my husband noticing, but also I’m not into Nugget.  I don’t want to have sex with him.  But the more he touches me, the more I get turned on and think, “Wellll….”

(Note: I’m not a cocaine user, I think you can look at me and tell that, but I won’t deny I have used it in the past and quite enjoyed it.  But it’s been a really loooooong time and I don’t do it anymore.  So don’t think I’m a coke head or anything.)